Monday, June 21, 2010

If It Costs Me Everything

This is the twenty-first in a series of journal entries begun in October, 2009. See initial blog post on February 21, 2010.

November 15, 2009

“I’ll obey and serve you. I’ll obey because I love you. I’ll obey, my life is in your hands. This is the way to prove my love when feelings go astray. If it costs me everything, I’ll obey.”

Words so easy to sing Lord, when my idea of “everything” is my earthly possessions, my position, my place. Somehow, before this morning, it never occurred to me that everything means even my very life. You caught me unawares this morning, questioning me so directly. If my obedience was meant to bring death, not life (in this world), would I still obey?

Oh God….that touches something deep in my soul…it is a struggle for my will. At its base….you are asking me….do I love you more than life itself? To answer that question is to answer both, for if I love you more than anything, even my life, then I will obey you in all things, though it might mean death.

My thoughts are in turmoil, working to understand the challenge you present. Like Peter, I know my heart and you know it as well. Am I one who “loves not my life unto death?” I see you Lord. I understand that you were “obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross.”

How can I ask for any less or more? I only ask that you plainly let me know your command, your will, that I might obey and follow you, Lord. Teach me your ways, may I be a sheep who knows your voice and will follow, unconditionally, wherever you lead.

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