Tuesday, December 14, 2010

A New Hope

This is the forty-first and final segment in a series of journal entries begun in October, 2009. See initial blog post on February 21, 2010.

Jan 1, 2010

A new year, a new hope. The doctor said, “Congratulations!” I simply say, “Thank you Lord!”

I cannot begin to understand your great mercy, so with empty hands I humbly come and kneel before you. Thank you Lord, you have heard the cry of this broken heart and given, indeed, “many more sunrises.”

I do not know why you chose to heal me when I see so many walking through so much, I am truly humbled Lord. Accomplish your purpose in me, may I never forget what you have revealed to this fragile soul. May I ever live to declare that you are God, there is none like you. I join with all creation in declaring that you alone are worthy of all praise.... my Creator, my Savior, my King.

Friday, December 10, 2010

Amen and Amen

This is the fortieth in a series of journal entries begun in October, 2009. See initial blog post on February 21, 2010.

December 31, 2009

Thank you, Lord, for a night of sweet rest. Surely you alone have brought peace to my heart. This morning I ask that peace will continue to reign as I hear from the doctor what lot you have chosen for me. This I know, because of you, I have a beautiful inheritance.

Whispers again this morning, Lord….glimpses of life yet to be lived. And yet, as you continue putting together the pieces in the puzzle of my life, creating the perfect picture you have already pre-destined, if you touch and bring healing, how do I not become as Hezekiah….desperate before and then, after the touch of your hand, full of pride because of what you have done.

Praise is the antidote to pride….Psalm 150 declares it. As long as I have breath, I will praise you oh God! No matter what today’s word, no matter the prognosis. “I will sing unto the Lord as long as I live, I will give praise to my God while I have breath in me!”

Oh Lord, whether it is pride in “walking strong” with you or pride in that you would chose to extend your merciful hand of healing to me…cast it away Lord! I bow before you, I humble myself before you. Keep me humble oh God, may I ever find myself kneeling before you!

Oh God, heal to show your great glory….humble me to show your mighty majesty. May the days of being boastful or proud in that which you alone have given….wisdom, provision, strength….may I always know and proclaim it is all from your hand. You ARE the Alpha and Omega of this world and of my life. Amen and Amen.

Thursday, December 9, 2010

You Are God

This is the thirty-ninth in a series of journal entries begun in October, 2009. See initial blog post on February 21, 2010.

December 30, 2009

Peace pervades my heart tonight Father, thank you!

Anxious this morning, yes…..for fear of the unknown still held sway. But tonight I am at rest. You have given quiet to my body and my soul, may it last tonight and into the morning.

You are God and there is none like unto you. This is what I have come to know this past two months…..You are awesome and mighty; merciful and kind, your steadfast love is eternal. In you I place my life, oh Lord, you know my heart, you know my request. Jesus, my great high priest, I ask you to petition our Father with your perfect prayer for me this night.

I wait for you Lord…as the watchman for the morning. It has been a good journey….I will continue to follow….even as you carry me.

Monday, December 6, 2010

You Alone Are Able

This is the thirty-eighth in a series of journal entries begun in October, 2009. See initial blog post on February 21, 2010.

December 29, 2009

I feel as the three young men of Israel this morning, Lord. As Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego faced the fiery furnace, then proclaimed…in faith…in knowing you…”Know this, our God whom we serve IS able to deliver us from the burning fiery furnace and he will deliver us out of your hand. But if not, be it known to you, that we will not serve your gods or worship the golden image you have set up.

That IS the place of my heart this morning Lord, as I come to the end of this part of my journey. I know you are able to heal me, I know you have already delivered me from the hand of the enemy, for heaven awaits where there will be no more sickness, no more death. But here and now, I know you are able and I am asking that you deliver me from this enemy which has invaded my body. Even so, no matter what you have chosen, I will worship you for you alone are God.

I admire King Hezekiah. Much like the three who walked with you in the fire, he is under fire from without and within. When his enemies openly mocked you and his own people had no faith in you he did not trust in chariots and horses, but rather he made his petition known to you. He spread out before you the reports, the letters, the threats and then….he prayed. And you answered. I too spread out the report, the CT scans done and yet to come and I ask that you deliver me, for you alone can destroy the enemy that threatens……

Is that your whisper I hear again Lord…..a strong voice that proclaims, “Because you have prayed….because you have cast yourself upon me as your only hope…because you have received the trust, the hope, the faith I have offered….because I AM the one who determines all, who knows all….”This year you shall eat what grows of itself and in the second year what springs from that. Then in the third year sow and reap and plant vineyards and eat their fruit. You shall again take root downward and bear fruit upward.”

Lord, I do not know how, but I do believer you have shown me I will see many more sunrises here, in the land of the living and I shall again take root downward and bear fruit. I rejoice in your promise but more, I rejoice in you!

Sunday, December 5, 2010

A Plea for Mercy

This is the thirty-seventh in a series of journal entries begun in October, 2009. See initial blog post on February 21, 2010.

December 28, 2009

Today, Oh God, I need you to heal this heart which is breaking with fear and to bind up the wounds which have afflicted me. You who numbered the stars, who prepares the rain, who cares for the sparrow, who gives food to the hungry and gives protection to your people, from you, oh God, I plead for mercy. I know it is not of my own worth or merit or accomplishments that I can come before you this morning, but it is solely because of your steadfast love.

Your delight, oh Lord, is not in the strength of horses nor is your pleasure in the leap of a man, but you take pleasure in those who fear you, in those who hope in your steadfast love. You know my heart. You know the self-willed bent of my soul, the pride in my life, the thoughts which come. Forgive, oh Lord, I cast myself at your feet… as the Syro-Phoenician woman, asking only for the crumbs which fall. For so long I have thought myself worthy to sit at your table, but you have opened my eyes to who I am.

Yes, I will one day be seated at the marriage feast of the lamb, but it is only because of what you have done. I have nothing to offer but empty hands, nothing to wear but the robe of righteousness you gave, nothing to share but the story of salvation….continue to take the blinders from eyes, oh Lord. I do not like the pain, but I embrace your plan, for in the fellowship of suffering, I am seeing you.