Sunrise

This is the sixteenth in a series of journal entries begun in October, 2009. See initial blog post on February 21, 2010.


November 5, 2009

John Day, Oregon

A glorious sunrise this morning and a glorious whisper in my heart. The wind is blowing, both within and without, “You will see many more sunrises.”

Because of who I am, I am tempted to ask how many, but the amazingly warm November wind brushes across my face and I hear your word, “That is for me to know. You simply enjoy and cherish the knowledge I am giving you that is another beginning, not an end. Cherish each sunrise as my promise to you.”

With eager heart I open the Psalms for your word to me for this day. How could I have missed so many sunrises in the years so swiftly passed? Why have I not risen early to feel the soft touch of your Spirit blowing across my soul, with expectant face touched by your caress, with ears eager to hear what you would say? Regrets, not so much for what I didn’t learn but for what I didn’t hear, enjoy, receive as words from your heart to mine.

And now, “Forgetting those things which lie behind….I Press On.”

Oh sing to the Lord a new song.
Sing to the Lord all the earth.
Sing to the Lord, bless his name;
Tell of his salvation from day to day.
Declare his glory among the nations,
His marvelous works among all the people!
Splendor and majesty are before him;
Strength and beauty are in his sanctuary.

This is my heart’s desire Lord, to sing a new song to you, the song of a new day, to the one who reigns over all the earth. Oh that I might bless your name and tell of your salvation for many days to come. Do not remove me from this place Lord, this season of seeing you in your splendor and majesty; of sitting in your sanctuary where I behold your strength and beauty.

Do not remove me….until my heart is so changed that when the imminent threat of physical pain and suffering, even death, has passed….I will still crave the morning with you, that my soul will remain hungry for you, that there will be an emptiness, a longing, a knowing it is from you I must hear, upon you I must gaze, at your feet I must sit. Then, and only then do I ask for your hand to be stayed….for you to remove this affliction.

This is the offering I bring. I come into your courts to worship you and you alone…in the splendor of your holiness…upon this, another new day…which holds the promise of many more to come.

The Fire of Your Spirit

This is the fifteenth in a series of journal entries begun in October, 2009. Please see initial post on February 21, 2010.

November 3, 2009

With a touch of the switch I can bring forth fire to warm my flesh this cool November morning. In like manner, when I choose to leave, to get on with my day, it is within my power to turn it off again. I am in control. And in that still small voice I have come to recognize as your own, you cause me to stop and ponder… do I try and do the same with the fire of your Spirit?

Oh Lord, cleanse my heart, complete your work in me, burn away all that you have revealed during this season. Such pride and selfishness…. consume it by your flame O Spirit. Do not cease, do not let me walk away until you have fulfilled your purpose.

I read your Word and I am reminded of David, how he desired to bring in the ark. Was it for himself, as a prize, a trophy? How often have I treated you the same? Did David understand your presence was ever with him, that he did not need the ark to have you near?

How like David I am. “Let me God, let me show, let me do! I have grand ideas of how I might best display you!”

Then you respond, as you did with David, “I am God of all….I do not dwell in a house made by hands….O David, that is but a token of my presence with you. Do not work to build for me that which I do not require, rather let me search your heart and give to you and eternal kingdom!”

When Moses encountered the fire of God, he was set upon a path that would transform his life. When Elijah called down fire from heaven, he would soon find it is in the still small voice you are heard. When the fire of your spirit birthed your bride on Pentecost, the world would witness a new era unlike any ever seen, all according to your magnificent plan. The people you touched by fire saw you in a new light…they beheld you as the great “I AM”….the One who always has a remnant who are faithful, the One who sustains us, the One who gives power, the One who has chosen to dwell within us.

Burn, fire, burn, cleanse this aching heart. May I be forever changed, as I have come face to face with the Spirit of the living God….to the fire that cannot be quenched. Give me strength to stand firm in your presence, O God.

If The Lord Had Not Been My Help

This is the fourteenth in a series of journal entries begun in October, 2009. Please see initial post on February 21, 2010.

November 2, 2009

I confess, I needed to hear a word of encouragement from you…so I jumped ahead to read your word for me from tomorrow’s Psalm, the 94th. Once again, you did not fail me.

“If the Lord had not been my help my soul would soon have lived in the land of silence.” You, O Lord, are the only one who truly understands. You know the word you have given, instructing me to wait. You alone know the fear that waiting can bring.

I cannot continue to talk about it, even to those who are closest. Indeed, if you were not my help, I must needs dwell in silence. But you are there, you are listening, you are my help. I would feel my stride slip, my foot falter, but for you O Lord.

“When the cares of my heart are many, your consolations cheer my soul.”

You see the cares of my heart tonight, indeed they are many. Care for what I cannot know at this time. Console me O Lord, be my stronghold and my God, the rock of my refuge. Hide me Lord-in the cleft of the rock-in the palm of your hand. Cover my ears and my eyes that I might hear and see you only. May I know your touch and desire your fragrance.

O Lord, in you I trust, may I not be ashamed.

By Your Spirit

This is the thirteenth in a series of journal entries begun in October, 2009. Please see initial post on February 21, 2010.

November 1, 2009

John was first “introduced” to Jesus when Mary visited Elizabeth. Scripture records that “the Babe leapt for joy". Matthew tells us that when Jesus came to the Jordan to be baptized, John would have prevented him, saying “ I need to be baptized by you.” He KNEW Jesus…knew who He was….knew the story surrounding His birth…knew He was righteous.

Why then, in John, does he say, “I myself did not know Him, but for this purpose I came baptizing with water, that He might be revealed in Israel….He who sent me to baptize with water said to me ‘He on whom you see the Spirit descend and remain, this is He who baptizes with the Holy Spirit.”

I have puzzled over that seeming contradiction for years, but I believe you are answering it here, even now, as it applies to what you are doing in my life.

John was but a man. All his life, I think, he probably thought Jesus was who his mother and father and cousin proclaimed Him to be. But, like me, John was still flesh and blood, prone to seeing “through a glass dimly”. It would take the work of the Spirit to fully reveal to him that “this is whom you know Him to be”. When John might question his own discernment, (as he would some time later) God simply told him, “I will give you a sign, the one on whom the Spirit descends and remains is He.”

It is always the Spirit who reveals Jesus. It is always the Spirit who reveals the deep things of God.

I think you have worked a work in this body, Lord, but I do not trust my own judgment. I will watch and see if you confirm this by your Spirit. And if you ask, I will boldly proclaim it. Or, if you ask... like Mary... I will store up, I will treasure, I will continue to ponder all these things in my heart until you choose to reveal your glory.

Knowing So Little

This is the twelfth in a series of journal entries begun in October, 2009. Please see initial post on February 21, 2010.

November 1, 2009

“And after this…Job lived.”

In no way to I compare what has come upon me to the immensity of what you brought upon Job, and yet, as you have directed me tonight to read his story, I see such similarity in how we view you.

Job knew all about you. His words declare who you are, the truth of what you do. Yet Job did not really know you, in all your awesome majesty. It took illness and devastation to open his eyes to you. I understand, for I am like Job, thinking I know yet knowing so little.

Oh that you would open my eyes to your majesty and omnipotence. Oh that like Job, once I have seen, once you have completed the work you alone have begun….oh that you would grant me many more days to see my children and grandchildren, that I might rejoice as they grow in their love for you.

Nevertheless, not my will but yours be done.

59 Days

This is the eleventh in a series of journal entries begun in October, 2009. Please see initial post on February 21, 2010.

October 31, 2009

I feel compelled to record this O Lord. I am but flesh, prone to wanting my own desires, and yet….almost asleep this afternoon…a deep intake of breath…like breathing in your Holy Spirit…and something stirred in my soul. Did you touch and heal me Lord? I hear so imperfectly, yet hope has stirred in my heart. My trust, my only hope is in you, O God…but you know it is my cry to be healed…to show forth your glory…to declare praise unto your name.

59 days until we confirm. 59, so you place on my heart to begin reading the last 59 Psalms. Psalm 92 was today’s starting point, “It is good to give thanks to the Lord, to sing praises to your name, O most High.”

That I will do, praising you for who you are, knowing you can and wondering if you have already performed a mighty work of healing. Verse 10 stirs my heart. You have poured over me fresh oil…the Holy Spirit…healing oil…fresh wind. Have my eyes seen the downfall of my enemy, the sickness with which Satan would afflict me?

The righteous flourish – they are planted in the house of the Lord. They shall bear fruit in old age. They are ever full of sap and green, to declare that the Lord is upright. He is my rock!

O Lord may it be so. May this be the appointed day when you have already granted me to go forth bearing fruit for many years to come.