This is the seventh in a series of journal entries begun in October, 2009. Please see initial post on February 21, 2010.
October 25, 2009
Suttle Lake
Why did Lazarus have to die? For the glory of God, that the Son of God might be glorified. I thought I always understood that. People would see the miracle and God would get the glory. That is correct, in part, but I believe you are showing me there is more, Lord.
If Lazarus had not died, Martha would not have confronted you with her fears and frustration. Oh, she “got it” just like I. There is a resurrection, of course. Lazarus would rise, “someday”, but today, death was very present, very frightening, very final. Jesus was a wonderful, amazing friend, but he had not intervened. Why, Why, WHY?
That God might be glorified. That Martha’s greatest fear, that my greatest need might be clearly set aside. Life and death are in the hand of God, in the simple command of Jesus.
That IS the glory of God. That He IS God and nothing, absolutely nothing, is beyond His command. Winds are stilled, waves calmed, bodies made whole, lives redeemed….death swallowed up by life.
“The Word became flesh and dwelt among us – and we beheld his glory”. John 1:14
Why can I trust you, my Lord? Why does my heart now long at times to just be with you…forever? Because I am beginning to behold your glory – full of grace and truth – and I am in awe. When I behold you, I am without words. I simply stand in your presence, drowning in your love, overcome by your mercy, enamored by your glory!
Friday, March 12, 2010
Monday, March 8, 2010
In You Alone
This is the sixth in a series of journal entries begun in October, 2009. Please see initial post on February 21, 2010.
October 23rd and 24th
Suttle Lake Retreat with the Women of TFAB
“To you, O Lord, I lift up my soul, O my God, in you I trust. Let me not be put to shame, let not my enemies exalt over me. Make me to know your ways, O Lord, teach me your paths. Lead me in your truths and teach me, for you are the God of my salvation, for you I will wait all day long.” Psalm 75
This is my prayer, O God, for this week-end retreat and for the days and weeks and months which shall unfold. I lift up my soul to you, although sometimes, as I am so keenly aware, it is had to get my eyes off myself and back upon you. This I know, in you I trust…let me not be put to shame…even more…let me not bring shame upon your name, Jesus, my precious Savior.
“In you alone is where I find my comfort, in you alone is my security, in you alone is where I find my shelter…only in you alone.” May I find firm footing when I stand only upon you. When I am weak Lord, as I know I will be, I pray you will be my strength. When asked of the hope that is within me, may I be quick to declare your glory.
In this season Lord, more than I have ever known, make me to know your ways. Show me your paths that I may skip along them, as a hind in high places. Lead me in your truth - may your truth be upon my lips and heart – may I speak of naught but what you are showing me.
You are the God of my salvation. Such hope is mine. May each new day bring new desire to simply wait upon you.
You have created me to praise you, O God. In that I find my greatest joy. Such glory I found in your presence in worship this morning, oh that I might have remained there forever! Eternity's beauty pierced my heart, how I long to be in that place forever with you.
And yet…I desire to be here. To share of what you are dong in me, to somehow communicate your great love and tender mercy. Tonight Lord, I will attempt to share something of that with these precious women. Give me words to speak, not of my own, but of your Spirit. May my words speak only of you, Jesus, you and you alone.
Sunday, March 7, 2010
Swallowed Up By Life
This is the fifth in a series of journal entries begun in October, 2009. Please see initial post on February 21, 2010.
October 20, 2009
2nd Corinthians 5:4-5
That is it exactly!! Listen…
“For while we are still in this tent, we groan, being burdened –not that we would be unclothed, but that we would be further clothed, so that what is mortal may be swallowed up by life.”
This is what you are working in my heart Lord. It is not so much that I would chose to be unclothed; that is, anxious to shed this earthly tent that has served me well these many years. Rather it is that I look forward to being “fully clothed; that is, in my heavenly body, my heavenly home, my dwelling with you.
I am not afraid-yes perhaps I even long for that day when this mortal body must die that it might be swallowed up by life, your life, oh God, eternal life!
October 20, 2009
2nd Corinthians 5:4-5
That is it exactly!! Listen…
“For while we are still in this tent, we groan, being burdened –not that we would be unclothed, but that we would be further clothed, so that what is mortal may be swallowed up by life.”
This is what you are working in my heart Lord. It is not so much that I would chose to be unclothed; that is, anxious to shed this earthly tent that has served me well these many years. Rather it is that I look forward to being “fully clothed; that is, in my heavenly body, my heavenly home, my dwelling with you.
I am not afraid-yes perhaps I even long for that day when this mortal body must die that it might be swallowed up by life, your life, oh God, eternal life!
Thursday, March 4, 2010
You Know My Days
This is the fourth of a series of journal entries begun in October, 2009. Please see initial post on February 21, 2010.
October 20, 2009
Morning
Today is my son’s birthday.
For him, for me, as for all is Psalm 139,
“I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made…..
In your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet, there were none of them.”
Such safety in your hand, Oh Lord, such confidence and trust.
“You hem me in, behind and before and lay your hand upon me.”
The longer I know you the more “hemming in” I desire Lord.
Keep your hand upon me, lead me in the way of righteousness and truth.
Accomplish your will in my life.
October 20, 2009
Morning
Today is my son’s birthday.
For him, for me, as for all is Psalm 139,
“I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made…..
In your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet, there were none of them.”
Such safety in your hand, Oh Lord, such confidence and trust.
“You hem me in, behind and before and lay your hand upon me.”
The longer I know you the more “hemming in” I desire Lord.
Keep your hand upon me, lead me in the way of righteousness and truth.
Accomplish your will in my life.
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
Trust Me
This is the third of a series of journal entries begun in October, 2009. Please see initial post on February 21, 2010.
October 19, 2009
On the Crooked River
“Speak Lord, for your servant listens.”
I know I hear and see in part, Lord, but still I listen and watch. You have opened a window of sunshine in an otherwise dreary land on this fall day. I see it as a blessing from your hand for me, reminding me that your eye is upon me.
You are speaking, and so I will write what I am hearing from your Spirit this day, “This sickness is not unto death.” And yet even in my writing I know that Lazarus died. But I also know as he was raised from the tomb, he went forth, never again to fear his passing from this life into eternity. Death was no longer an enemy to be feared but a journey to be anticipated.
I do not know your plans for me; I can only see what you have placed in front of me this day. But your Spirit whispers, “This, this is that which you have desired for so long…to be set free from the fear of sickness and even death itself, for you and your children and your grandchildren. I am going to do a mighty work in you my child. You will see with new eyes and feel with a new heart. Trust will be your constant companion, mercy and steadfast love your portion!
At last you will be freed from that which would cause your eyes and heart to turn at times from me. This is the time I have appointed for you! Do not fear those who can harm the body, but fear the one who can destroy men’s souls. May that fear give you renewed compassion for those who still tremble. Share with them of my great love and compassion, now that you are truly catching a glimpse of all my salvation means in light of eternity.
Life here is but a vapor, yet it is that which you and others grasp. Lift up your eyes and see me in my majesty and glory. Do not fear this time, but rather welcome and embrace it as my good gift to you, for I have loved you with an everlasting love and I will accomplish all I have purposed to do in your life.
I know you fear, but as I spoke to you so many years ago, “Trust Me”. All the prayers you have whispered have not gone unheeded, all your struggles not unseen, I am about to do a work that, if I had told you before, you would not have believed. This is the time, this is the day, rejoice and see my hand at work.”
I do trust you Lord…help me to trust you more. May I be as a vessel of clay in your hands, willingly embracing the Master’s Touch.
October 19, 2009
On the Crooked River
“Speak Lord, for your servant listens.”
I know I hear and see in part, Lord, but still I listen and watch. You have opened a window of sunshine in an otherwise dreary land on this fall day. I see it as a blessing from your hand for me, reminding me that your eye is upon me.
You are speaking, and so I will write what I am hearing from your Spirit this day, “This sickness is not unto death.” And yet even in my writing I know that Lazarus died. But I also know as he was raised from the tomb, he went forth, never again to fear his passing from this life into eternity. Death was no longer an enemy to be feared but a journey to be anticipated.
I do not know your plans for me; I can only see what you have placed in front of me this day. But your Spirit whispers, “This, this is that which you have desired for so long…to be set free from the fear of sickness and even death itself, for you and your children and your grandchildren. I am going to do a mighty work in you my child. You will see with new eyes and feel with a new heart. Trust will be your constant companion, mercy and steadfast love your portion!
At last you will be freed from that which would cause your eyes and heart to turn at times from me. This is the time I have appointed for you! Do not fear those who can harm the body, but fear the one who can destroy men’s souls. May that fear give you renewed compassion for those who still tremble. Share with them of my great love and compassion, now that you are truly catching a glimpse of all my salvation means in light of eternity.
Life here is but a vapor, yet it is that which you and others grasp. Lift up your eyes and see me in my majesty and glory. Do not fear this time, but rather welcome and embrace it as my good gift to you, for I have loved you with an everlasting love and I will accomplish all I have purposed to do in your life.
I know you fear, but as I spoke to you so many years ago, “Trust Me”. All the prayers you have whispered have not gone unheeded, all your struggles not unseen, I am about to do a work that, if I had told you before, you would not have believed. This is the time, this is the day, rejoice and see my hand at work.”
I do trust you Lord…help me to trust you more. May I be as a vessel of clay in your hands, willingly embracing the Master’s Touch.
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Do You Want to Be Healed?
This is the second of a series of journal entries begun in October, 2009. Please see initial post on February 21, 2010.
October 17, 2009
“Do you want to be healed?”
You posed the question to the lame man at the pool of Bethesda, now you pose it to me, Jesus. My reason for hesitation is surely different than his, but my initial response is the same. The lame man assumes healing must come from the physical labor of man, someone to move him into the pool. How foolish, I have often thought, and yet, I search with fingers flying on the keyboard to find the answers of how I might be healed. How foolish!!
You are the great physician, Jesus. By your stripes I am healed. This physical body will one day rise anew, sickness and death dispelled. But for now, for tonight, it would seem you are posing the question to me, “Do you want to be healed?”
My response surprises even me. I do not want to be like this man who was physically healed only to not realize who Jesus is. If my being made whole causes me to lose touch with you, Jesus, then my answer would be no. In my lameness, my blindness, my spiritual paralysis, I have not always recognized you for who you are. These past few months have opened my eyes to you; I have seen you, high and lifted up. I have caught a glimpse of your glory! Rather than longing for what is passed, I look ahead to what is…an eternity with you!
But I do desire to be healed, if that will lead me to sharing of your glory, delighting in your love, declaring the awesome wonder of you. I do not want to go back to what was, a life lived in mundaneness. I have been content to dwell at the pool amid the lame and the blind, looking for one to help me rather than looking to how I might help those around me. Oh that I might be the one to offer sincere love to others!
What joy yesterday to have my time “interrupted” by my son, to be content to enjoy an hour of conversation with him, though there was much to do. To go to my daughter’s home today and sit on the porch, enjoying the beauty of a blustery fall afternoon as I took in the wonder of my grandson, marveling at the beautiful simplicity of being a child. It is for these, my children and grandchildren that I want to be healed, that I might share of your great love and mercy with them.
From surface conversation to heartfelt prayer, Thursday evening dinner with good friends took on a new dimension as they were the first to share in the news I received. My heart now is linked with theirs, for we have journeyed together through the valley of the shadow. I am truly feeling sheer joy and pain and delight in the journey. This is the gift you have given in my infirmity of the past few months.
And now, a potentially bigger challenge is in my path. I do not know the outcome, but if indeed this is your Spirit asking me tonight, “Do you want to be healed?” I respond with reverent fear, “Yes…heal my body as you have already healed my soul. Make me a servant of your people, may the days allotted to me have purpose in you.”
Merciful Father, may I have length of days to show mercy to others.
October 17, 2009
“Do you want to be healed?”
You posed the question to the lame man at the pool of Bethesda, now you pose it to me, Jesus. My reason for hesitation is surely different than his, but my initial response is the same. The lame man assumes healing must come from the physical labor of man, someone to move him into the pool. How foolish, I have often thought, and yet, I search with fingers flying on the keyboard to find the answers of how I might be healed. How foolish!!
You are the great physician, Jesus. By your stripes I am healed. This physical body will one day rise anew, sickness and death dispelled. But for now, for tonight, it would seem you are posing the question to me, “Do you want to be healed?”
My response surprises even me. I do not want to be like this man who was physically healed only to not realize who Jesus is. If my being made whole causes me to lose touch with you, Jesus, then my answer would be no. In my lameness, my blindness, my spiritual paralysis, I have not always recognized you for who you are. These past few months have opened my eyes to you; I have seen you, high and lifted up. I have caught a glimpse of your glory! Rather than longing for what is passed, I look ahead to what is…an eternity with you!
But I do desire to be healed, if that will lead me to sharing of your glory, delighting in your love, declaring the awesome wonder of you. I do not want to go back to what was, a life lived in mundaneness. I have been content to dwell at the pool amid the lame and the blind, looking for one to help me rather than looking to how I might help those around me. Oh that I might be the one to offer sincere love to others!
What joy yesterday to have my time “interrupted” by my son, to be content to enjoy an hour of conversation with him, though there was much to do. To go to my daughter’s home today and sit on the porch, enjoying the beauty of a blustery fall afternoon as I took in the wonder of my grandson, marveling at the beautiful simplicity of being a child. It is for these, my children and grandchildren that I want to be healed, that I might share of your great love and mercy with them.
From surface conversation to heartfelt prayer, Thursday evening dinner with good friends took on a new dimension as they were the first to share in the news I received. My heart now is linked with theirs, for we have journeyed together through the valley of the shadow. I am truly feeling sheer joy and pain and delight in the journey. This is the gift you have given in my infirmity of the past few months.
And now, a potentially bigger challenge is in my path. I do not know the outcome, but if indeed this is your Spirit asking me tonight, “Do you want to be healed?” I respond with reverent fear, “Yes…heal my body as you have already healed my soul. Make me a servant of your people, may the days allotted to me have purpose in you.”
Merciful Father, may I have length of days to show mercy to others.
Sunday, February 21, 2010
A Great God
In October of 2009 the Lord set my feet upon a path of fear and faith, testing and trusting. It is a journey that has found me falling, time and time again, at the feet of of the one who gave His life for me. In it all I have come to realize that God answers the cry of my heart not because I have great faith, but because He is a Great God.
Some who read this blog may understand fully of what I write, for you too are in the midst of a difficult trial. For you, it is my prayer that as I share a part of that journey, as recorded in my journals through that season, that God might use a small part of what He has worked in my life to encourage you on your path.
October 16, 2009
And so the journey begins….a word from our friend, my doctor, yesterday…a word I really did not want to hear. “The nodule has grown”.
To be human is to hear those words and to fear. “What if?” echoes in my mind. I hear and I think, my days may have limit…and yet as a mortal…one who must put off this earthy tent…I understand my days have been appointed by the Lord.
I do not know how this will unfold. Is this it, the final preparation for a glorious journey I fear yet long for? Or is this a time to simply be transformed from glory to greater glory as I see you anew, oh God. Is this your way of answering all I have prayed through the years…the yearning desire to know you more? I do not know, but I know Who I know.
My prayer is that of David in Psalm 16, that beautiful Psalm which you directed me to in that precious midnight hour just past.
“Preserve me, O God, for in you I take refuge….
The Lord is my chosen portion and my cup,
you hold my lot.
The lines have fallen for me in pleasant places,
indeed I have a beautiful inheritance.
I bless the Lord who gives me counsel,
in the night also my heart instructs me.
I have set the Lord always before me;
because he is at my right hand I shall not be shaken.
Therefore my heart is glad and my whole being rejoices:
my flesh also dwells secure.
For you will not abandon my soul to Sheol,
or let your holy one see corruption.
You make known to me the path of life;
in your presence there is fullness of joy;
at your right hand are pleasures forevermore."
You are my inheritance…you hold my lot. In you oh Lord I place my trust.
Some who read this blog may understand fully of what I write, for you too are in the midst of a difficult trial. For you, it is my prayer that as I share a part of that journey, as recorded in my journals through that season, that God might use a small part of what He has worked in my life to encourage you on your path.
October 16, 2009
And so the journey begins….a word from our friend, my doctor, yesterday…a word I really did not want to hear. “The nodule has grown”.
To be human is to hear those words and to fear. “What if?” echoes in my mind. I hear and I think, my days may have limit…and yet as a mortal…one who must put off this earthy tent…I understand my days have been appointed by the Lord.
I do not know how this will unfold. Is this it, the final preparation for a glorious journey I fear yet long for? Or is this a time to simply be transformed from glory to greater glory as I see you anew, oh God. Is this your way of answering all I have prayed through the years…the yearning desire to know you more? I do not know, but I know Who I know.
My prayer is that of David in Psalm 16, that beautiful Psalm which you directed me to in that precious midnight hour just past.
“Preserve me, O God, for in you I take refuge….
The Lord is my chosen portion and my cup,
you hold my lot.
The lines have fallen for me in pleasant places,
indeed I have a beautiful inheritance.
I bless the Lord who gives me counsel,
in the night also my heart instructs me.
I have set the Lord always before me;
because he is at my right hand I shall not be shaken.
Therefore my heart is glad and my whole being rejoices:
my flesh also dwells secure.
For you will not abandon my soul to Sheol,
or let your holy one see corruption.
You make known to me the path of life;
in your presence there is fullness of joy;
at your right hand are pleasures forevermore."
You are my inheritance…you hold my lot. In you oh Lord I place my trust.
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